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Commonly asked questions about sex toys

Before you even think about introducing a sex toy to your relationship, you might want to try one yourself without the pressure of anyone else present.

If you haven’t used them before, then here are some probing (and we use the word advisedly) questions to get you thinking about what you might like and what your needs are. It’s worth taking just a little time to explore your preferences or what you think they might be before cruising around online looking for that perfect little something to drop into your shopping cart. Buy now.

Solo Questions

Are you an alfresco kinda girl or very much the indoorsy type?

Essentially, in plain speak, do you like your stimulation externally or internally? This will really dictate what type of vibrator you choose or maybe you fancy a bit of both? For many women, clitoral stimulation is actually top of the pops as opposed to vaginal penetration and there are vibrators just designed for that particular pleasure called egg or bullet vibrators. The rabbit-style vibrator is double trouble and deals with both sensations at once but you might prefer to split your orgasms and have separate toys

What is it made of?

Maybe not the first question that springs to mind but some cheaper products are made of materials that shouldn’t go anywhere near our bodies never mind inside them. Avoid anything that says ‘jelly’ on the packaging or the description as gel-like substances or jellys can contain phthalates which are chemicals used to treat the material and these have been linked to cancer. Some products actually state that they are free from phthalates. Latex can cause a reaction in some people who are sensitive to it. Try and avoid toys with seams or crevices as these are terrific at harbouring bacteria as they can be difficult to clean and at some point, you may want to share these toys with a partner or partners.

Not sure, don’t commit

If you are uncertain what you might like then buy some cheaper toys to start off with, there are plenty of starter kits around, just avoid anything that looks as if it is made from sub-standard or potentially harmful materials so don’t buy the cheapest one on the page

Battery or rechargeable?

Battery toys are cheaper but not if you factor in the cost of constantly replacing the batteries and this can get pricey if you really get into the vibe. The upside with batteries is that when they fail, you can replace them immediately whereas recharging your toy could come right at the wrong moment. Some more expensive toys will tell what the charge level is so that you don’t have to interrupt your fun and can plan ahead

Silence is golden 

If you are a student in shared accommodation or splitting a bedroom with a colleague at a conference, the noise levels might be something you want to consider. Vibrators can be amazingly easy to discern even if they are sold as the quietest on the block

Will you get addicted?

Some frequent users report that use or overuse of a vibrator can affect their ability to orgasm without one so think about the consequences of your usage and how it might impact on your shared sex life

Don’t be shy, the sales assistant in the shop is briefed, informed and ready to answer all your questions. It can be easier sometimes to buy in the flesh as short of trying the goods out, you can touch and feel them, understand the weight of them and start them up to hear how much noise they make. Being embarrassed in a sex shop kinda goes with the territory so the sales assistant won’t bat an eyelid. If you are terminally shy then buy online, you can use a chatbot to resolve any queries and then just return anything you don’t like but do check out the returns policy as no-one wants to deal with a used vibrator.

Duo Questions

If you are new to using toys and want to introduce them into your relationship, here are some key factors to take into consideration:-

Who is the toy for?

Is it for your pleasure or for your partner’s? If so, is this something you will just watch or will you be actively involved in it? Don’t dress up your secret desire to see your partner orgasm with a vibrator as something that is all about her, always be honest

Think about how you will introduce the subject

Should you keep the topic light-hearted and humorous and make something of a joke about it or should you include a toy as part of a sumptuous and extravagant gift like silk lingerie or two tickets for a weekend city break? Discussing sex toys can be divisive or your partner might be relieved you have finally gotten round to mentioning it, tread carefully, remember, it’s not what you say its how you say it

Start with something vanilla

You might have a devastating kink which is your deepest darkest secret or fantasise about anal play leading on to anal sex, your greatest dream but perhaps it’s better to start with something a little more conventional – you might just put your partner off if you head for the extreme end of the sex shop

Keep it mutual

Rather than presenting your partner with a fait accompli all parcelled up in a box, why not introduce the subject when you are playing around then suggest that you go shopping together? This doesn’t have to be in a store, you could browse online. This is a great way to get some sort of indication about likes and dislikes, a perfect steer

Silence is golden 

If you are a student in shared accommodation or splitting a bedroom with a colleague at a conference, the noise levels might be something you want to consider. Vibrators can be amazingly easy to discern even if they are sold as the quietest on the block

Sex toys attract various taboos, these include some strange idea that they are a sign of inadequacy…” aren’t I enough for you?” to a misplaced fear of perversion to downright hilarity. In fact, sex toys needn’t be a threat but can be a great add on to a relationship and a huge amount of fun when you are on your own.

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